So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
