It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
