mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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