he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
