He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
