I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
