zippers are such a cool invention
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
