so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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