just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
