you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
