lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize