using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
