I think I died a long time ago.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize