Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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