1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
