i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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