Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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