16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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