I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
