I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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