theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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