you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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