thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
