I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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