i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
