Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
