i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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