how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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