So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
