how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
