Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i drank out of a bidet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
