My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
where am i from again
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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