No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
