apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
