He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
