the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
