k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
