is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
