I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
