i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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