google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
