...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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