put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
smell my finger.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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