I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
