I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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