sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
