hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
