There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
