Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
