Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
