Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
