At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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