I wish I could teleport
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
