speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
