whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
