I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize