They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
