You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
