i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
