Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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