Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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