then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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