Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
