i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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