He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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