We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Couch. On fire.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
