The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
