Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
