Will you blow on my dice?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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