I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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