he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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