dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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