a search helicopter?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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