So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please, let me fuck your mom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
