new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
